A Group of People

I went somewhere, but I did not want to by @gunnarsimonen

In Dad, death, hope, hopelessness, life, memories on July 1, 2011 at 4:38 am

By @GunnarSimonsen

Every once and awhile a moment will catch you off guard and take you to a place not long forgotten, but instead stored away in a place that is void of many visits.

I didn’t plan on it. But today, one of those moments crossed my path.

It has been 8 years since I last found myself in such surroundings. Though it was not the same place, where it took me was.

Everything was fine until I walked inside.

It was at that very moment that I found myself staring face to face with a feeling I was more than happy keeping at arms length.

With every step I took down the winding halls, the look, feel, and aroma came crashing back into my life like it was only yesterday.

In this, some memories you can never escape. The loss of a loved one has a way of  taking your mind down a path long ago traveled, but not since.

For some, it is a moment, a song, a scent, or a word that transplants you to a place mixed with all such emotions like for a brief moment, they had never left. But, as quickly as it comes… is as quickly as it vanishes.

Don’t get me wrong, I like memories on my own terms where I can control what they are and how and when I experience them. But those that come unexpected… exhale…

And there I was in a nursing home. Though I was rest assured it was not one of “those” types of nursing homes, I knew better. I could feel it.

My dad took his last breath in a nursing home 8 years ago.

And there I stood transplanted to a place of watching my dad spending his final days… his final breaths.

In this, I know that often times, these experiences are necessary for us to move forward in life as kind of a way to come to grips with that which you have faced on the journey with a loved one. For me, I find peace knowing this is the cycle of life. We come… we go. What happens in between matters and how you finish, well, that’s up to each of us.

Across the hallway a family has gathered. They know it will not be long so they wait, they watch, they ponder, they cry, they laugh… they pray.

This feeling takes me to ones final days as one waiting in line for their number to be called. they know it’s coming soon, they just don’t know when.

I wonder what it is like to be in the place of the one walking that final path? I wonder what it will be like for me… if I am given that chance.

It is then that I realize that this feeling does not need to be a negative feeling or memory…

…just as long as I am ready… for it.

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