A Group of People

Dont pay for your past

In divorce, past, Robert Beeson on April 13, 2011 at 6:22 am

By Robert Beeson

I was talking to a good friend the other night about relationships. This person was telling me about someone they knew who had recently been divorced, and how now he was so accommodating… to the point of annoyance. They also mentioned that this person, while married, had been accused of being too controlling.

It occurred to me that what might be happening here was something that I have made the mistake of doing in the past. Fixing past shortcomings with current situations…

Kinda paying penance or trying to prove to myself that I am NOT what I was accused of…

the problem with this is that it isn’t genuine… it’s a game…  it’s denial… a lie.

As a divorced man, and although I am resolved to the fact that my ex’s poor life choices led to the ultimate demise of our marriage… I certainly contributed to it… So areas like ‘being controlling’, that I was accused of, I have now found from time to time, myself over compensating to prove the invalidity of the accusation.

Problem is… I was controlling… but now has little to do with yesterday.

I cant fix or ‘re-do’ my past… I can only build the new.

I am thankful for God’s grace that covers our failures. It’s just that accepting grace means letting go of the infraction. We have to stop trying to prove to ourselves that we don’t have shortcomings…

We have to accept shortcomings as a pathway to redemption and from that position re-establish a true foundation. One founded on grace, mercy and second / multiple chances..

We can’t use the current relationships to process through old stuff… It’s not fair to others, it squelches the joy out of what we have and it puts the relationship needlessly at risk…

What we CAN do is remember on our shortcomings and pray God’s strength to straighten our ways and live gratefully, fully embracing the gift the present.

Anyone else try to fix the past with the present? How do you YOU not relive the past and at the same time grow…

You can follow Robert on twitter –


Or at his blog www.robertbeeson.com


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